I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
