I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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