I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
