GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
