I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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