My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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