I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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