I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
