I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
