On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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