tell your sister to shave her snatch
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
