Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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