god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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