haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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