We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
