He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
