you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's rum buckets o'clock
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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