Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
