break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
