I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize