is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize