he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
