i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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