I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The beer is more important than you right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
