I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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