i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
