Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
