I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
