how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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