She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
