So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
