You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
