An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
