Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
