very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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