i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize