I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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