so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
