no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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