Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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