ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
