you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
