U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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