I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
