Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
