she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
