i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
