This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize