You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
