i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's rum buckets o'clock
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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