I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
