More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
