lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
