hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
