need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
