Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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