Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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