Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
