Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
