How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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