If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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