And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
