Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
