I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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