They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
