i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found puke in my bra..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
