Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
