i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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