At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
