clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
