it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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