well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
