Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
