So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
