Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
