There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
