Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
